“Pour me a cold one, Timmy. I’ll take a shot of the hard stuff too,” said Marcus.
“If you don’t stop referring to our cold brew as ‘cold ones’ and our espresso as ‘the hard stuff’ I’m not going to be pouring you anything,” mumbled Timmy.
“Thanks boss, my days been good and you?” Marcus asked, fully aware that he missed Timmy’s last statement due to the intense Twitter war he was consumed by.
“Who is it today?” inquired Timmy.
“Some punk from Washington State,” scoffed Marcus. “Kid actually thinks that LeBron James is a better player than Michael Jordan,” Marcus grumbled. “He was probably born in the 90’s, kids these days have no clue what greatness looks like!”
“Or it’s a moderately subjective argument with few if any objectively defined parameters by which to measure something as broad as ‘greatest basketball player of all time,’” replied Timmy.
“Hah! Right? This kid just doesn’t know greatness when he sees it. I knew you’d see it my way,” Marcus laughed, continuing to enjoy his one sided conversation while scouring the web for a shorthand version of the word, oblivious; the irony completely lost on him.
“That’ll be $6.95, Marcus,” sighed Timmy. “Also, we can no longer accept payment in the form of promotional tweets or homemade soaps.”
“Oh come on, Tim! You know I’m in between jobs. This market is terrible!” yelled an exasperated Marcus. “I thought we had a good ole’ barter system going on here. I thought you believed in the vision for my life!”
“You realize if you spent half the time you spend on social media developing yourself, your skill set, or actually applying for a job you would have been employed last year, right? I don’t think your Twitter career is going anywhere, Marcus,” Timmy gently replied.
“Hey Timmy, not all of us are okay just rolling over and dying. Some of us have dreams! Some of us understand what’s really happening right before our eyes. Some of us refuse to be sheep! We’re at war here! This kid from Washington isn’t going to get away with calling LeBron the G.O.A.T. while I’m around! Also, there’s no telling how many people I’ve influenced politically, spiritually, or even just generally by being a present and active voice in the community, something you’d know nothing about. Do you even have a Twitter? What have you done to help someone lately, Timmy? Besides, it’s not a waste of time, it’s a creative outlet, Timmy. It’s an art to be able to craft articulate, insightful, and incising tweets in less than 140 characters.”
*coffee shop’s telegraph machine starts moving and beeping wildly*
“What’s happening over there, Deloris?” asked Timmy to Deloris, the Growling Giraffe’s independently contracted telegraph receiver.
“It looks like Twitter just announced it’s expanding the character limit from 140 to 280 characters!” Deloris exclaimed.
“Are you still hiring?” Marcus eagerly inquires.